The Answer Is In My Soul

21st Sunday of Ordinary Time

John 6:60-69

August 25, 2024

The question, “who are you” is filled with such possibility and such anxiety. And, as I age, I have learned, how I answer that question today is very different than how I answered it 40 or 30 years ago. Forty years ago, I was chin deep in starting a business. And a marriage. And a family. And a home. I thought I had all the answers, even though I had a hard time sleeping from all the stress. I was proud, stubborn and allowed my ego to control my actions.

Thirty years ago, the business was going pretty well, as was my marriage. Our family was established, healthy and, along with the house, costing me an arm and a leg. I had allowed myself to get busy in professional associations which cost me too much time away from home and the business. I thought I had all the answers, even though I had a hard time sleeping from all the stress. I was proud, stubborn and allowed my ego to control my actions.

Twenty years ago, the business was doing very well, but I no longer found fulfillment in all the extra activities of the associations. Thankfully, my marriage was strong and provided me a bed rock of safety each and every night. My family was growing up and moving into their next phase and gave me such pride to see them mature. We had moved into a new house and my list of projects was long and never ending. However, I began to sense something wasn’t quite right. I found myself becoming much more introspective. I started asking God, “what do you want me to do?” I realized I did not have all the answers and continued to have a hard time sleeping from all the stress. I realized I was too proud, too stubborn and needed to let go of my ego.

As I look at my family today, I see that each one of our children are following a similar path. It is normal, when we are young, to allow our ego to guide us. It gives us the drive and the will to work hard and follow a dream.

Today’s first reading is my favorite Old Testament reading. I hope it is read at my funeral. Joshua (who had succeeded Moses) puts it bluntly to the people, of Israel, “Who are you going to follow? Our God YHWH, or some idol that the neighborhood kids are following? You get to pick one. So, pick.” Joshua tells the tribes that his house will be following God. With no exception. Mic drop.

In today’s Gospel, Jesus, who is exasperated and exhausted arguing with the Pharisees and distrusting people, turns to his own disciples. Not entirely sure how they might answer, he asks, “So who do you say I am?

To Joshua’s question, the people quickly concede and tell him, “Hey Josh, don’t worry, man. We’re right with you.” To Jesus’ question, the apostles look at each other afraid to speak. Finally, Peter speaks up and says, “Don’t worry Jesus, we are with you. Who else would we follow? We know that you are the Christ. We’ve got your back.”

In 1980, the theologian and writer Howard Thurman, gave a baccalaureate address at Spelman College, a private, historically Black, women's liberal arts college in Atlanta, Georgia. Thurman asked the graduates, ““What is your name, who are you, and can you find a way to hear the sound of the genuine in yourself?” [1]

Aren’t those the questions I should be reflecting upon every day? In the second half of my life, I am afforded the opportunity to look back, and look forward, to discern what is my name, who I am, and to hear the genuine voice of God within me. In my 60’s today, I have the privilege to take the time to reflect on those questions that I did not have when I was younger. It’s not bad that I am only now doing this contemplation. It is quite normal.

It would be wrong if, on the other hand, that in my second half, I did not reflect on these questions. God hopes that I will mature and grow in wisdom and knowledge. I must come to my own understanding of the teachings of God and Jesus and all spiritual leaders. No institution can tell me what is right or wrong. They may advise, but not decide. I must listen to God’s quiet whisper in my soul and come to the realization of what God intends for me and for this world. And then act on it.

I need to be gentle with those who are still in a “first-half” mentality as well. Regardless of their age, they have not made the leap to a deeper understanding of God’s purpose in their lives. That's okay. I can be gentle and simply ask questions to help open their mind and lead them to a better understanding of what God has in store for them.

Now, whenever I hear the questions, “who are you?”, “who will you follow”, or “who do you say that I am”, or “what is your name?”, I try to let go of my ego, because the answer is secure in my soul. And then I can sleep soundly.

Every Day.

[1] Howard Thurman, “The Sound of the Genuine,” Baccalaureate Address, Spelman College, May 4, 1980. Text edited by Jo Moore Stewart, Spelman Messenger 96, no. 4 (Summer 1980): 14–15.  

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